life as a statistic

I found a bunch of emails in the back of my inbox today from 3 years ago. I read through them and there was a time, similar to this one where I was just as unemployed as i am now. Well, back then I was probably only half as unemployed as I am now. I'm three months in...creepin' up on a fourth.

I never would have imagined unemployed life this way. I get up, make my breakfast, and then spend the day on my computer applying for jobs, networking, seeking options. Thank God for Netflix. Thank God for books and This American Life and peanut butter. Sometimes I go to the gym, or on an interview or get fed up with the lack of possibilities and go to the grocery store and buy more celery. I eat a lot of celery because it combats all the sodium in all the popcorn i eat because it's cheap and low-fat and filling. it's an endless cycle, the popcorn vs. the celery. like this job hunt.

I find myself unmotivated sometimes. I still apply for jobs, but I've stopped applying for EVERYTHING. I know how to spot what will and will not pan out. I'm getting really good at bugging all the staffing agencies. Because, I mean, at this point i'm in the waiting place. where i just have to bide my time. and move as little as possible because when you're unclear on the possibility of your future, you don't want to misstep and accidentally spend money or hurt yourself.

I know all the different criticisms one might hand out to my situation: get a survival job, volunteer, accomplish all those fun crafting projects you always wanted to get done! All those things sound dandy. But when you use every ounce of motivation you have to just stay awake all day, it becomes a task to leave the house. and that there are NO survival jobs. everyone is in a hiring freeze. It doesn't help, of course, that the bulk of this unemployment has been in the middle of the crappy Chicago winter where everything is gray, but not super cold, but not warm enough to go outside and no snow.

Allow me to point out that I'm not complaining. I own my situation. I'm in it. I'll get out of it. I just need time and the stars to align in just the right way. The only real resource is hope. and love from friends and family.

which brings me to the people with whom i'm most pissed:

I don't know enough about US government or laws or politics to have the specifics, but when it comes right down to it, i feel fucked by the system. A system I've paid into with my heart and my wallet. I know i'm not alone. but I also feel so forgotten. There's a weird margin of us that don't have work that are TOTALLY qualified but can't catch a break because we're in the margins. We're not poor enough, we're not old enough, we're not young enough to get any special treatment. We're not rich enough to forget all our cares. We're powerless, somehow, even though we're the future.

right.

I trust that this, too, shall pass. i know that there will be a happier time and perhaps(God forbid) a more desperate time than this. But maybe I bring all this up because I hope we don't forget. I hope we remember how gray this time was and how much responsibility we have on our shoulders now to make sure it never happens again. I hope we are aware and we are learning and we are prepared to create a change just as soon as we start gaining momentum once again.