Friday, January 2, 2009


2009 2009 , oh 2009, why did you take so damn long to get here, 2009?

I can't think of a new year's in recent history that so many people have looked forward to...but 2009 is now here, so let's get all our hoopin' and hollerin' on...because the new year, new canvas, new beginning, new chapter, new here.

2008 tried really hard to be a banner year. maybe that's what the problem was: it was just trying too hard. maybe it felt like it was supposed to be an important year because so many important things were happening in it. but 2009 is a year with no expectations, at least from me. In my new post graduate life, i'm sorta at a shortage of exciting deadlines. i have very few dates on the calendar as I look it means the year is wide open, full of possibility and unknown. and while that is somewhat nervewracking...some would say its exciting, too.

i'm a little distracted at the moment. humor me for one paragraph: ATTENTION ALL COFFEE SERVICE WORKERS, I.E. PEOPLE WHO POUR COFFEE INTO TO-GO CUPS FOR A LARGE SOURCE OF YOUR INCOME: please please please make sure the lid is on properly before handing the cup to the consumer. As you are the one putting the beverage together it is your job to make sure that the lid a)does not leak b)does not come flying off for no reason in my mom's car thus spilling my foofy scalding hot soy latte all over me, my legs, my mom's car, and my new spanish made simple book. It really messes up a person's mojo. and, girl at coffee stand, it's ALL YOUR DAMN FAULT. my leg is burnt. i never expected my leg to be burnt, but it is.

thanks for your time. i just needed to get that out of my system. don't know why its upset me so, but it has and now we're moving on.

i am moving forward into the year with a few goals in mind. i would like to find a new place to live. 1341 thorndale just ain't cutting it. i think we moved into some bad its time to move out...or at least, we'll move out in june.

i also think my job situation is leaving me a little drained. i have a list of changes to make and if they don't hold, i'll be looking elsewhere for employment, which is not something i'm really looking forward to in this particular economic climate, but i need some peace. i need space. i need to spend those 40 hours a week in a place that doesn't stress me out so much.

i'm still pissed about the coffee. sorry.

i don't really want to go back to chicago right now as i type this. i realize that's where home is right now and that's where all my stuff is but i feel like i'm bouncing off the city. its like chicago is wearing a repelllant. it's been treated so that i don't soak in. granted, i never expected to spend the rest of my life in chicago, but i at least expected to gel a little more with the city. don't know how to rectify it. i can already hear people telling me that the first step is to stop thinking of all the places you'd rather be but that's the thing, i can't think of anywhere where i'd rather be. i think more about all the things i wish were where i am. i miss friends and comfort and routine and rhythm and a norm.

Leaving chicago on this holiday break has illuminated a number of things, not the least of which being what i want to do with my trajectory. the bigger things i want to accomplish. its nice to have that clarity but i'm not sure how to make them happen beyond believing that if i just keep praying and planning, eventually they'll happen. i know more of what i want to do and what i don't want to do...

right now, i gotta eat...and hang out...and maybe drink some wine...who knows what this evening in eugene holds?