Prologue

I watched Apollo 13 for the first time in years two nights ago...and then re-watched the good parts in rerun yesterday. 

i don't know what it is that was so fascinating to me...

but i had to see them survive

had to see them finish the task and then walk out of the helicopter in their coveralls with their brand new hats(as i thought to myself "did they change clothes in the helicopter?" and "aren't their legs all wobbly from being in space for 7 days?")

I'm in Portland right now.  Have been for two weeks now.  Last week was a workshop.  Now i'm just vacationing.  Someday i'll go on a more traditional vacation to a more picturesque location where i either lie on a beach or sit in a lodge and do nothing but for now, i sit in my sister's basement apartment doing nothing...and watching maury povich.

SIDEBAR: yes, i watched Maury today. It was kind of AWESOME.  "Today on the Maury show: My daughter is in the seventh grade! Is she a prostitute and a pimp?" All these girls were professing  things like "you don't know me!" and "i don't care who my babydaddy is, so long as i get a baby." then, OF COURSE, they have an angry "wrong side of the tracks turned right side of the tracks" fella show up to scream in their faces and then escort the young harlets to the slammer where they get to have their personal space invaded by ladies who have been there.  the end result, OF COURSE, is that the girls change their slutty ways and apologize to their mothers.  I only wish there wasn't so much yelling.  also, why do these girls want babies?  why did no one ever ask them that? not once did anyone question that logic, they just told the girls they were too young, too young too youngtooyoung. hmmm. 

back to apollo 13: what i'm working toward expressing is the countdown nature of these last few days in portland.  I came here 3 days after moving to chicago. its rare that you are truly homeless in the way of only being home in the exact place you exist in that moment.  i'm sorta homeless right now.  i've unpacked some boxes in chicago, but i've done more grocery shopping here. and now, as i wait to start my life in chicago--which includes finding a job, a gym, an improv class(those two i've picked, i just need to sign up) and a community--i'm counting down.  

I also get the "on my own" nature of this part of my life. i'm spending A LOT of time by myself, whether i'm physically by myself or at the workshop last week where i was surrounded by people all day but still felt very alone. i get the message, universe.  I'm swimming on my own for a while. no company, no community.  a pod of friends...but a lot of this new chapter heavy lifting has to happen with me and me alone. and while i was sad and lonely last week, i'm kinda enjoying the anonymity of it now. 

there are no bad experiences, only good stories.